Slacker Christmas

Have I mentioned that I’m just not feeling the holiday spirit this year? At thanksgiving I was super excited for Christmas and merriment, but then I came down with the lingering virus of doom, and now all I want to do is lay around in my sweatpants. Which sounds really not that different from normal, but I assure you even my incredibly low standards are slipping. The baby has worn either a tinkerbell nightgown or her Anna dress for the past three weeks- alternating for washings. I haven’t even bothered to upgrade her to real leggings, so she just wears jammies constantly. Classy. I’ve even gone out IN PUBLIC without makeup on, and I don’t think that has happened in like 5 years.

Last week I decided I was over it, and I got my shit together long enough to attend the kindergarten gingerbread house day in Friday and a yoga class on Saturday. But then Sunday I had mystery nausea and vertigo, leading to a big backslide of fatigue this week.

So. Over. It.

I did some initial Christmas shopping on Amazon this week,* but now I’m out of ideas and not really looking forward to fighting my way through any stores to make up the difference so everyone gets the same number of gifts. And I did the most half assed decorating possible, but hey, at least I finally did something. Bonus, I only have to remember to move the elf 10 times!

I still have a gingerbread house (or village? Can’t remember which kit I bought this year) to do with the kids, which I figure will be a good activity next week when they’re off school. But in general I am just calling this year done, and turning my attention toward New Years. Every year I want to set resolutions, but then I sort of forget to plan them out in time to actually implement on January 1st.

I’ve got 2 weeks- surely I can manage to get it together by then.

*I always do the bulk of my shopping online, necessitating the tale that Santa ships his present early to the kids that he knows are super good. I went ahead and wrote a poem about it, which you can read here

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‘Twas The Month Before Christmas

Being a person who would much rather sit on my couch than brave traffic and crowds to go to the store, I always do most of my Christmas shopping online. But my kids still believe in Santa, which makes an explanation for why so many boxes start arriving the month of December an important holiday tradition. In this house we say that when there are kids so good the can’t possibly end up on the naughty list, Santa goes ahead and ships their presents early to save himself time on Christmas Eve. I thought perhaps other families might like to extend this tradition to their own households, so I wrote this poem. I hope you like it

Twas the month before Christmas
And day after day
Gifts were arriving,
Though not brought by sleigh.
The parcels and packages
Boxes and more
Would pile ever higher in front of the door.

Now most people think it’s the work of one night,
To deliver the gifts and then zip out of sight,
To eat up the cookies and drink all the milk
The work is a cinch for Santa and his ilk.

But the elves work all year making all of those toys
To deliver to all of the good girls and boys
And no matter the magic, there’s so much to be done
That it couldn’t be finished by an army of one.

Old Santa can’t fly in his magical sleigh
Until Christmas Eve is fully underway.
So he calls up the shippers fed ex, UPS
And gives them a package with each child’s address.

And off they go moving by land and by air
To arrive on your doorstep with much time to spare.
When they get there early, folks know what to do
Your mom or dad finds a place safe out of view.

Sometimes they hide them outside in the shed,
Or maybe they stuff them all under the bed.
They know that the kids are inspired to seek,
And some kids even go so far as to peek.

Then the rumor gets out that Santa isn’t real,
And the skeptics will claim with their miserly zeal,
That the presence of presents ahead of the date
Is proof he’s a myth that we all perpetrate.

But the truth is that Santa’s as real as can be,
He is real, and he’s magic and fat and jolly.
But he’s also prepared for the season to come,
And he works in advance to get everything done.

He boxes and packages games, books, and toys
For all of his beloved girlies and boys.
And some of the best he saves for Christmas Eve
(He has to keep some of his tricks up his sleeve)

But the rest he sends out to us, time left to spare
In hopes that we all will continue to care
That the spirit of Christmas stays happy and bright

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

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Secret Santa

My kids still believe in Santa Claus. It’s almost unbelievable that we could have gotten to this point: three kids in school full time, one in THIRD GRADE, and no one has ever questioned his existence, but there you have it. And of course, I’m not complaining that they have retained this innocence, although I do wonder about how gullible they’re going to be as adults!

But here’s the thing: they like, BELIEVE in Santa. Hard core. And because they aren’t dummies, they’ve grown up enough to start asking Santa for stuff they know we would never give them. Like they’ve found a loophole.

It started with Isabelle. We have a strict no American Girl dolls policy in this house. I object on principle to the racket those things have going, and my girls have never been in to dolls like that anyway, making it doubly a waste of money. I’ve even explained to Isabelle, but of course she only understood “they’re expensive” rather than that I was objecting on principle. Which made it a little tricky when she told me she was planning on asking Santa for one since she knew we’d never buy her one. Erm. This never would have happened if the girl of the year hadn’t been called Isabelle.


Next came Jack and his list. In which he asked for: a computer, an iPad, a dog, and a brother, among other things. See, this is where the whole “magical guy who gives you whatever you want” thing starts to fall apart. I certainly don’t want to kill the entire allure of Santa, but the fat guy’s definitely not dropping 2k on gifts for one kid. Plus, he has undertaken certain medical interventions that make that whole little brother thing a bit of a challenge.

Full list: remote control stuff, ipad, computer, Legos, airhawk, dog, lizard, brother, big nerd gun, stuffed animals.

Now, if we were only talking astronomical gift requests, there wouldn’t be anything to write about. I mean, that’s pretty par for the course. But we’ve also branched out into writing letters to Santa. Separately. Multiple letters. Asking important questions like who is your favorite elf and how Santa gets down the chimney if there isn’t one. That they just go right ahead and mail, without letting us read them. And they put stamps on them. So far I thinks we’ve sent about $3 worth of mail to the North Pole. So that’s awesome.

I have explained that Santa doesn’t need stamps, or letters really, seeing as he’s MAGIC and knows your gift requests automatically. And maybe it’s my fault for not putting up the decorations yet. If they had our elf on the shelf to talk to, maybe they wouldn’t feel the need to single handedly support the U.S. Postal service. But seriously, if things keep getting out of hand I’m going to consider spilling the beans on the truth behind Santa myself.


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Seasons Creepings

The kids bring home all kinds of papers and artwork from school everyday. I sort through it all, admiring their good grades and efforts, and then the cream of the crop gets hung on the wall or saved in a file and the rest gets recycled.

This morning, I came across this little booklet that Sophie had made.


Usually the booklets are excellent examples of their writing and thoughts, so I save those often. But of course, I always read them through to make sure it is worthy of preservation.


That’s sweet.


Well, ok.


This is getting a little dark.


Anthropomorphising the cookie lends some interesting cannibalistic undertones.


So like, they made the kindergarteners rip paper gingerbread men limb from limb? Festive!


Oh sweet fancy Moses!


I wonder if they wanted the crunching to seem like bones. Yeah, I don’t think we’re going to be saving this one.

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Is it Monday Yet?

I’ve been fighting off a cold all week, and I’m sorry to say that as of this morning I am clearly losing. Which makes it so much more exciting that once again we’ve found ourselves with a weekend where everything is scheduled.

First, this is the 2nd module for my prenatal yoga training, so I will be out of the house 6-9pm tonight, 10-6 tomorrow and 10-4:30 on Sunday. Sitting in the floor for hours at a time, doing mutliple classes back to back- yeah, I totally feel up to that right now. Especially since I’ve developed some weird sciatic/ muscle cramping issue in my right glute. Should be good times.

Second, alongside our normal 9-10am ballet class (Sophie) and 10:30-12 tennis lesson (Isabelle)- which Brett will have to navigate in his own with all four kids (did I mention he is sick too?)- we also have extra curriculars. Sophie has a dance performance at a retirement home, and Jack has a birthday party.

Third, my mom is busy on Saturday, so she can’t even help out with the whole ‘being in three places at once’ problem. Thank goodness my dad can help out, or the birthday party might have been a no-go (I don’t know these people so I don’t want to just drop Jack off).

Here’s how its planned to shakes out: Brett is on bedtime and dinner duty tonight, I’m hopefully going to be able to beg off of drinks afterwards so I can come home and go straight to sleep. Tomorrow, Brett will do dance class and tennis, then I’ll come home during my lunch break to take Sophie to her performance, hopefully not returning to yoga too late. My dad will take Jack to the party. Sunday shouldn’t be too difficult as there isn’t anything planned besides my training.

I already purchased the Christmas gifts for the underprivileged children we agreed to sponsor, abandoning my plan of making the kids help choose (and pay) for the gifts themselves, but time was of the essence. Now all I need is to not get markedly worse sick-wise, and for no one else to catch it.

Like I said, is it Monday yet?

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