Nineteen Weeks

I keep waiting and waiting for my belly to pop out, but so far no dice.  Here's a picture from 13 weeks:

oh, and what a flattering photo it is.  Yikes!

And here is today:



I feel like I was bigger a few weeks ago than i am now - apparently I was just really bloated before and now I'm not? Which is pretty weird considering all I eat lately is carbs and I'm putting weight on pretty steadily.  I guess it's just all going to my rear view - awesome.

I also STILL haven't felt any movement*, although I've heard the heartbeat again nice and strong.  On Monday the 6th I'm getting the big sonogram, so we'll have visual proof there is actually a baby in there - because I'm starting to have my doubts.  Aside from the positive pregnancy tests and copious vomiting a few months ago, I totally understand the women on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant" now, LOL.

Anyway, I'm at that super fun stage where I don't at all look pregnant (unless you know), but I definitely don't have a waist at all anymore, so I just look fat and lumpy.  So attractive.  Makes putting together cute outfits SO much less appealing because I just can't rock them the way I want.  I'll be glad when I finally get that nice round belly going and I can flaunt it a little instead of just looking like I had a big lunch.  Regardless, here are a few things I've worn recently:



jacket: Target
tshirt: Target (says "don't let go of your dreams' in case you were wondering)
jeans: American Eagle
moccasins: Steve Madden (and yes, they're leopard)
bag: Ellington Mia
sunglasses: Target



sweater: TJ Maxx
leggings: Isabella Oliver
shirt: no clue
boots: Dolce Vita

looking at my thighs in this picture, I think I see where those bagels are going

jeans: Asos
sweater: Target
tshirt: Urban Outfitters
booties: Aldo

Not great, but they do all involve real pants, so that's something.  Well, two out of three anyway.  I will say that on top of looking thicker than usual, the weather is also playing a big role in my not choosing outfits.  Who wants to wear something cute only to cover it up with a giant coat?  And the pictures in my room just don't turn out well at all.  I might just need to suck it up and freeze to take a few quick pics outside each day. At least until spring arrives!

*UPDATE 3pm: Finally felt some nice big kicks!  There's really something in there!

Slow And Steady

Sometimes it is so hard to keep your focus on what you are doing right, as opposed to all of the areas you are failing at.  I feel like I'm doing such a terrible job of implementing any sort of New Year's changes into my life - and then I remember that my plan was to move forward slowly and tackle one thing at a time.  January's goal was to get into a more regular cleaning schedule, cleaning everything more regularly/ more often, and with the exception of the laundry (which looks GOOD sitting in the basket near the bathroom for weeks at a time, I swear) I do feel I have made progress in that area.  I also wanted to organize the kids' toys and get rid of everything broken/ unloved/ outgrown, and while I have yet to tackle the basement, I did do each bedroom, so that is half done.  But I can't focus on that because all I can see is how I haven't been blogging more, and I haven't been making my weekly meal schedule like I wanted, and despite printing out a list of 'inspirations' my daily photo has dropped off again, and I haven't gotten back into exercising regularly, and, and, and.

Blergh!

I hate this sort of vague anxiety that creeps up on me every so often.  Where I feel like I'm forgetting things I need to do, and all the projects I want to tackle are stacked so high I am rendered immobile.  Does that happen to you?  I have so much I want to do, and change, and improve, but sometimes it starts to feel like it all has to be done now now now, ignoring the fact that these types of things are not instantaneous fixes and I'm not suddenly going to wake up one day an entirely different person without making tiny incremental changes each day first.  Delayed gratification is just not my thing - ask my credit balance.

But I know I'm approaching things the right way, even if I have to suffer through a few more days of uncomfortable feelings until the anxiety fades and I get back into a positive mindset.  I have to focus on what my goals for February will be (I'm thinking reestablishing my exercise routine), as well as maintaining the small success I have already achieved.  It's all about the journey, not the destination, right?

I just wish this twitchiness would pass.

Beauty Queen

10:45 am. I'm finishing up cleaning Jack's room and reorganizing his toys, Brett is working on our taxes. Isabelle and jack are both at school. Where"s Sophie? She came up to see me in Jack's room a few minutes ago, but I haven't heard a peep from her since.

Duh, she was BUSY:



Fortunately, the damage was fairly limited. She bypassed the pricey eyeshadow palettes in favor of anything remotely marker like, and while the eyeliner she used are not cheap, they could only be worn down at the tips, so not much was wasted. Finally tally - seven eyeliners that had to be resharpened, and one basically new lipstick worn completely down to the plastic nub:

Unfortunately, this was not all used on her face. She also indulged in a little artistic expression on the wall of my closet:

And no, none of that came off completely. If you have small, wall drawing inclined children, flat paint = the devil.

But she sure is pretty

Day 30: Self Portrait

Random Tuesday

- so, tomorrow is the last day of the photo challenge, and I've really had a good time doing it, so I decided to find a bunch more on Pinterest and keep doing them all year.  And I even found a bunch that were already labeled with months, which is completely irrelevant but appeals to my sense of order quite nicely.  Except this project started at a weird time so now I have to figure out how I can round out January and maybe February so I can start with the challenge labeled March on the first.

- I have started an "allowance' chart where the kids get dashes for doing stuff they are supposed to do anyways for free (ie, cleaning up their messes), and at the end of the week we tally up the dashes and they get some money to put in their piggy banks.  It takes 10 dashes to get a dollar, so I don't feel too terrible about paying for tasks that should be considered basic responsibilities, and it is really pretty funny how helpful they are being in the hopes of getting a dash.  Bribery for the win!

- On the flip side of the helpfulness however, is the complete deterioration of anyone's ability to not just scream all the freaking time.  Okay, Isabelle is still pretty much perfectly behaved, but Jack and Sophie are completely out of control.  Jack seemed to be doing better there for awhile with the constant whining and crying but that seems to be over.  And it is really hard to deal with in any manner that doesn't devolve into calling him out on being the crybaby he is.  Seriously - man up a little, dude. 
And Sophie - Sophie will just scream in rage over any perceived injustice, which is not really new, but seems to have ramped up in both volume and frequency.  I know a lot of it is my fault because we have established a pattern of giving her what she wants to avoid the screaming since she was a baby, but sometimes it's just not possible.  And sometimes her problem is her own damn fault - and you just can't explain logic to a 3 year old.  The other day she DEMANDED I wash her blanket right as we were going up to naptime, despite it not seeming any dirtier than normal, and I explained several times that if I washed it she wouldn't have it during her nap - wouldn't she prefer I wash it afterwards?  But no, it had to be washed right then, so I took it and threw it in the laundry.  She screamed for FORTY FIVE MINUTES about that damn blankie, which at that point was wet and couldn't be given back.  OMG, that was fun times.

-speaking of laundry, my hatred and avoidance of it has grown to completely irrational levels.  There are two baskets of clean laundry that have been sitting by the washing machine waiting to be folded for two weeks.  they are completely in the way of coming in the house from the garage or trying to get into the bathroom, but I don't even see them anymore.  This is how people get on Hoarders.  It's a good thing we all have way too many clothes - no one is even close to running out yet.

- I gained only 5 pounds during the first 3 months I was pregnant, but I think I've gained another 5 pounds in the last three weeks.  All I want to eat is bagels.  And salads covered in ranch dressing and cheese.  I don't feel like I'm eating tons of anything, but it must be affecting how much water I'm retaining.  Either that or it's just all boobs, because my belly really isn't that big at all yet but my boobs are huge. To be honest I'm kind of wondering where the baby is, because according to the websites it should be 5 inches from head to rump, and I would think that would poke my stomach out quite a bit but it hasn't - I can still get my stomach basically flat if I tighten up the muscles.

- I feel like I have been growing my hair out FOREVER and it isn't any longer.  It's getting annoying.  I'm also kind of over the blonde, but I don't want to completely toast my hair so I'll probably go darker gradually rather than all at once.  Or not.  My decision changes daily.

- Sophie's birthday is Friday and I have no idea what kind of cake I'm going to make or what present to get her.  And I feel completely unmotivated to think about it.  Poor little third child.