Today was the day. The day when the physical exertion of this experience finally reached a peak I just couldn’t climb. Until today, I’ve been tired, and pushed to my limit in every class and lesson, either from a strength standpoint or through the struggle of enduring the pain that sitting on the floor causes me. But the inspiration and excitement has far outweighed the physical tax, and I’ve gone home each day feeling invigorated. Tired but happy.
Not today. Today I was just glad to go home. I hit the wall physically, which reflected poorly in my focus and concentration and overall mood. This morning started with a power class which is already a big challenge for me because my strength and stamina are not where they need to be (or should be, but that’s ego talking). But I managed to shake off my sense of failure and ready myself for the rest of the day.
Until we discovered we would be doing another full hour flow class today. That really shut me down, and when the teacher AFTER that flow class started to run us through yet ANOTHER set of sun salutations I basically shut down. No go, thanks anyway.
I really struggle with where to draw the line in terms of my edge- obviously you never want to push your body past it’s safe endurance, but I probably call it quits early in most cases. I’m a comfort gal- not super into the discomfort thing, which means I tend to stop when the edge is simply
in sight instead of crumbling under my toes. And of course, not pushing myself to the absolutely limit doesn’t lead to the rapid improvement I’d like to see. So knowing this, it can be easy to beat myself up over stopping when my legs start to burn, or dropping into child’s pose just because I’m tired. How do you tell your physical edge from your mental one?
This afternoon I definitely found the physical edge. When we started back up right into physical action (rather than lecture and discussion) after our second hour long class of the day, I basically called time out for myself. I wasn’t at the mental edge, although I was incredibly cranky about the day’s progression; I could have pushed myself through it. But I didn’t. I stopped and sat on my mat, basically refusing to do another surya namaskara A (call me crazy, but I feel like 4 hours of that on Tuesday was enough for this week). It was hard to acknowledge that I have the weakest stamina in the class (although I expected that – hello sitting on my ass all day), but I didn’t second guess my decision, or punish myself with guilt and self-abuse. My back simply couldn’t take it and pushing through would do more harm than good.
Still it’s disappointing to come home discouraged and grumpy for the first time. The past 10 days have been so amazing and uplifting, it’s a bummer to lose that euphoria. Today I hit the wall. Probably only the first of many, although let’s all keep fingers and toes crossed that the days remaining are more good than bad.
It had to happen sometime. And hey, you haven’t lived until you’ve burst in to tears at the chiropractor out of sheer exhaustion.