Friday, November 28, 2008

Check Off The List Before The Sun Comes Up!

If you are reading this after getting up at 4am and spending hours shopping for the best sles and gifts, good for you. I hope you got some really great deals. Of course, I also think you are a lunatic.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Happy Thanksgiving!

This year (like every year) there are a lot of things for me to be thankful for. I am very thankful for my wonderful family and all the help they have offered during this time of transition. I am very thankful for my husband's new job - his old job really blew, and he is so happy now to be doing something he is good at AND really enjoys. I am happy that so far we haven't had any snow so I haven't had to shovel the driveway. And I am most grateful for my kids - two amazing little people who are occasionally infuriating, but mostly a real delight. And they will just continue to be more and more fun - especially when the third one finally gets out of my body and I can really play again.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

So... Today Is What?

My husband has now been gone a week and a half, and I have learned that his presence is really what oriented me to the passage of time. I did fine all last week since his being totally gone wasn't that different from just being at work all week. But then we had the weekend, and our schedule was still exactly the same, which was a little confusing. And now I find myself waking up every morning with literally no idea as to what day it is - I actually have to take a few minutes to remember what show I watche the night before so I can figure out what day it is. Good thing I have such a handle on the network programming - if they change the schedule I'm going to be really messed up.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008


I don't usually like the ads where exceedingly stupid customers are helped by unbelievably patient and smiley sales people. The perfect example of this is an ad I have commented on before that has run the past two years, and which I hope will not be seen again. It's just not realistic. I mean, the stupid shoppers are a given, but sales people are never that chipper, and definitely not during the holidays when there are lines out the door. I am also not particularly fond of the whole super-over-decorating the outside of your house thing- it's not funny and it's definitely not cool. However, I have found an exception to these "rules", in a new ad for Ace Hardware, where a guy tells the sales girl santa that he wants his house to be a "bulb-o-rama" so that the astronauts in space look down and say "what's that? Oh, that's Bob's house." I find his gooberish enthusiasm appealing for some reason, and I find that this ad doesn't annoy me like most of the others do. I also really like the phrase bulbo-o-rama, and wish I had more reason to use it cause it's fun to say. As for the rest of this genre - how's about we see some ads where the stupid customers are helped by increasingly impatient salespeople who have better things to do than hand hold idiots. That would be more in keeping with the holiday shopping season.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Ahhhh, The Obvious

The other day, driving down the street, I saw a truck with this clever slogan: "if it's in stock, we have it." Well, yeah, I would hope so - that's the basic principle of inventory, isn't it? I like that it makes it sound like they have all kinds of stuff - anything you could need really), when in actuality their shelves might be totally bare without negating their motto. Now of course, if they chose this slogan without thinking of that aspect then it's just lame - might as well say "if the door is unlocked, we're open."

Friday, November 21, 2008

The Apocalypse Must Be Nigh

Rosie O'Donnell has been given yet another show. And what's worse, she has been allowed to "sing" in her commercials, and swan around like she is not only attractive, but entertaining in some way. I cannot quite figure out why anyone thinks that lobotomized mental patients are a big enough market to warrant a show targeted directly to them (because, seriously, who else could stand her?), but I am quite sure that this signals the end of days is approaching. If television weren't like crack for me I would start a boycott. As it is I am less interested in continuing with all of my NBC shows because even though I watch them on DVR and speed through the ads, I still occasionally get a flash of her mug. But at least I don't have to hear that warbling.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Baby On Bored

One of the gossip magazines I am addicted to has a picture of Angelina Jolie on the cover with an arrow at her belly proclaiming baby number 7. Now, there is a slight roundness there, but correct me if I'm wrong - didn't the woman just have twins four months ago? I mean, I get it that celebrities get themselves back into form faster than us mere mortals typically do, but there is only so much you can do to restore skin elasticity. I personally think she looks great, although her new hair color is too dark for my taste, but she has obviously lost the baby weight (which isn't that hard to do when you only gain actual baby weight, which is 25-30 lbs people - if you put on 60 pounds, some of that is just plain old ass), but diet and exercise can't do anything about shrinking down everything that got stretched out. Now, maybe she is pregnant again cause who really knows what they're thinking over there anyway, but if not let's give her a break, shall we? Not having a concave stomach doesn't automatically equal baby bump.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

This Is A Test, This Is Only A Test - To See How Dumb You Are

I have mentioned this topic before, but I feel it needs to be revisited due to a new development in its annoyance. As you may know, in February all television broadcasts are switching to digital - making antenna reception no longer viable without special converters. We will ignore the fact that these products are being developed for completely outmoded technology in the first place, and instead focus on the fact that instead of just airing commercials about the subject whoever is "in charge" of this is now interrupting shows themselves. Ostensibly these interruptions are presented as "tests", but they seem more like sensationalism trying to panic people into calling the informational hotlines and getting the converter boxes. They don't even have the courtesy to use that message you get before emergency broadcast tests - you know, the one that ends" we now return to our regularly scheduled programming." They just completely switched from the middle of one scene and then just as abruptly returned to the middle of another. This is extremely irritating - I could be missing crucial lines of dialogue just so the few people left with antenna reception (seriously, how many can there be?) can get some information they have been exposed to for months. Does the vewing public really need to suffer just in case some people are too stupid to have paid attention to the thousands of ads that have already run? And if they haven't noticed those, do you really think they are carefully watching the special tests now? Or do you think maybe they're using the time to run into the kitchen for more Cheetos?

ps: I also really like the ads run by Comcast letting their customers know that they don't have to do anything because their service will continue uninterrupted. Duh - how stupid do you have to be to NOT know you DON'T have a tv antenna? I seriously hope those people don't have drivers licenses.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Dresses For Dumplings

The other morning for some reason it occured to me that kids clothes are the only ones where if you go up a size you also need to get taller. There is no differentiation in sizes to accomodate children of varying girths - nd given the current crisis of obesity we are always hearing about, shouldn't there be? My kids are in the higher prercentiles for both height and weight, and most clothes fit them perfectly - so I would imagine that really skinny kids are drowning in their stuff, and anyone chubbier probably can't fit. I guess if you have a fat kid you also have to have a sewing machine so you can hem the longer pants to fit. Makes me realize that there's a reason all those 100 lb. 2 year olds on Maury weren't in their diapers just to glorify their physiques - it was because they actually have nothing to wear. I wonder if a hefty kids clothing store would be a money maker.

Monday, November 17, 2008

I'm So Lonely

I am now, for the time being, a single mother. My husband left yesterday to move to Omaha for a new job (good luck on your first day, honey!!), and I'm still here in Colorado with our kids. Let's hope they remain as sweet and cooperative as usual, and that my daughter doesn't ask too many questions about why Daddy isn't coming home. So far, when I tell her where he is, she is more excited about getting a new room (I promised to paint it purple which she is thrilled about) than sad that he isn't here. But that could easily change, given that it may be a month before we can see him again. So send us well wishes. Well wishes and homebuyers.

Friday, November 14, 2008

Coming Up Blank

I spent all day yesterday thinking that it was Friday, resulting in my having nothing prepared for today's blog. Either that, or devilish pixies snuck into my room overnight and sprinkled migic dust on me, making me forget all of my good ideas. Yeah - it was definitely one of those two things.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

No, Oh God, What?! WHAAAAAA!!

My son throws tantrums. Like, throw himself on the floor, roll around screaming and kicking, tantrums. For stuff like pushing the toy stroller into a pillow that is totally avoidable, or other easily remedied situations. In general I am concerned because I definitely don't want it to become a habit, but because he is only 14 months, and so far all of the frustrations seem self inflicted, at the moment it is just hilarious. or it was until this a couple of days ago when, for no reason I could discern, something was not to his satisfaction and he actually walked over to the wall and banged his forehead on it. Purposely - he actually stood facing the wall, put both hands up and just banged his head, face first. Twice. There is actually a bruise on his forehead. So now, instead of worrying that I'm going to be the mom in the grocery store with the horrendous, hysterical brat, I have to worry about being the mom in the ER with the kid with skull fractures. Sweet.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Tuesday Night Fever

What is with Tuesdays this year? It seems like practically every show I want to watch is on Tuesday nights - which is an issue since my DVR only tapes 2 shows at once, and you can't watch a third channel while it is doing so. The problem comes when there are two shows taping at 7pm, when the kids are still awake, because we can't watch their programs. Fortunately you can watch previously taped shows (or DVDs of course), but it still doesn't answer the question of why everyone put the good stuff on Tuesday night. Why not spread it out a little? Obviuosly, if everything appeals to me then there are some common threads to these shows - woudn't it be nicer if they aired all throughout the week? I could of course pace myself watching them over several days instead of cramming all day Wednesday, but that would be like only eating one cookie or something, and we all know that's a statistical impossibility.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Dora The Deplorable

This morning I had my first viewing of Dora the Explorer, and guess what? It blows. I don't usually let my kids watch anything other than Disney Channel or DVDs because the commercials are so vile, but this morning the one show my daughter can't stand came on so we changed the channel briefly, only to be exposed to this moronic experience. I will admit that I am probably biased against this show anyway because I find it extremely annoying when every children's product offered in the stores has Dora or Diego (or some other dumb ass character) plastered all over it. Not to mention the irritation that all of these cartoons are always about hispanic characters - what is the deal with that? I get wanting to push some ethnicity, but why are they always Hispanic - where are the other ethnicities? Why can't we have a show that teaches French or German - oh that's right, because that would have white people on it and therefore doesn't count as ethnic. Go ahead and call me racist if you want, but I think if you want to foster diversity you should have people fo all races - having so many specifically Hispanic cartoons just seems like it's catering to all of the illegal aliens who need the tv to learn English. Can you imagine the uproar if a show actually made a big deal out of the characters being white? The creators of Inga The Norse princess would probably be accused of being Nazis for showing a blond heroine. And yes, this entry has ended up a little more bitter and critical than I intially intended - but that's how bad this show is. The idiocy has made me cranky.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Hell Just Got A Lot Easier To Get Into

The Catholic Church has debuted seven new deadly sins to accompany the old standards. Included on the list is being obscenely rich. I'm still waiting for the announcement that the Vatican is donating all of its wealth and treasures to a museum for public enlightenment.

Friday, November 7, 2008

Dude, That's A Girl Car

The new Chevy Traverse is clearly a chick car. It looks like a totally normal crossover vehicle, but I have never seen such a specifically targeted ad campaign before, so it must be for women only. In case you haven't seen the commercial, it features a woman in the car stopping on the street because it is raining shoes. She quite understandably gets out of the car to gather up as many as she can, and utilizes the storage space in her Traverse to hold as many shoes as possible. Not exactly a man friendly spot. nor is it especially the most effective either, since every time I see it I think it is an ad for DSW Shoe Warehouse rather than for a car. It also assaults my sense of logic, because while I would totally be grabbing shoes with abandon if they started raining from the sky I would A) wait for them to stop falling in order to avaoid being clonked on the head by an especially heavy wedge or impaled on a stiletto, and B) make sure I was getting pairs of shoes. Imagine how frustrating it would be to get home and find your whole treasure trunk of shoes contained only lefts. Anyway, with the female focus of this advertising, I'm left to wonder why the Traverse is so specifically for women, as well as why, if intended solely for us girls, they didn't give it a girlier name. Like maybe, the Chevy Epicene.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

The Joy Of Ignorance

I don't understand people who brag about stuff like not having a computer. It's totally fine if you don't need one, and really don't want one, but it's not a badge of honor. Everyone is entitled to their opinion of course, and mine is that if you take pride in being technologically ignorant you are an idiot. I mean, you drive a car, don't you? I assume you aren't out there commuting to work in a horse drawn carriage* or anything. And maybe it's an old model, but I bet you have a cell phone. And electricity. And plumbing. well, guess what - those things are technology too. I don't claim to be any sort of wizard when it comes to today's advancements - it's all I can do to manage this blog, and even though I have a subscription to Wired magazine I don't know what they are talking about half the time. But I also don't go around telecasting the fact that I am barely functioning in the technological, gadget world. So to anyone who thinks it is admirable to go around bragging that you are anti-technology: just keep in mind that at one point knives were a significant technological achievement - so no more sliced bread for you.

*none of this is directed at the Amish, who do in fact commute to work in buggies.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

All Offers Welcome

Charming 3 bedroom, 2 bath house in one of Steamboat's most desirable neighborhoods! Lowest priced home on the block means you get a great value as well as a great place to live. Owners are motivated and willing to hear all offers. Call today!

ps: take the virtual tour because the selected photos do not do the space justice! Also, the music is jazzy.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

I Voted!

Please, take a moment today to go out, do your civic duty, and get the candidates to stop calling me.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Who Knew The Floor Was White?

Today, in preparation for our house going on the market, we had two young ladies from a cleaning service come over and clean our kitchen and bathrooms. In under an hour and a half, they managed to get them cleaner than I have in the past year - although, my cumulative time spent cleaning is probably still under two hours. To be totally honest, I had hoped to be able to observe a little to get some tips and see how they do such a good job, but other tasks distracted me, so I didn't get the chance. Plus, since they didn't speak English and I couldn't really explain what I was doing, I didn't want to freak them out by watching their every move. So I guess my husband will just have to continue to live with my subpar cleaning skills. But hey, the house sure looks great right now!