Bittersweet

Hello. My name is Kate, and I am an addict. I do not use narcotics. I am not an alcoholic. But I am an addict nonetheless. My drug of choice: sugar. And while it may sound funny (and you are welcome to laugh), I assure you I am 100% serious. I am writing this at my heaviest (non pregnant) weight EVER- and while there have certainly been indiscretions of the savory sort, sugar is the culprit. Do not give me the moderation speech - this is not an issue of willpower. I understand what it feels like to give in to a weak moment and overeat -I have done it with cheeseburgers or pizza or pasta. This is not that. This is sneaking candy bars and hiding the wrappers in the trash can so my husband won't see how many I've eaten. This is rushing to eat as moany cookies as I can before the kids wake up so I don't have to share. Waiting for my husband to go to bed so I can have another helping of dessert. Or maybe two. I can not stop at one cookie. I can not stop at five. If I eat so many sweets that the sugar becomes cloying, I will have something salty to refresh my palate so that I can eat more sugar. If I get interrupted before I can eat as many as I want, I will plan constantly the next moment I will spend with sugar. This is addict behavior, and it is no different from an alcoholic planning their next drink or a junkie their next fix. I have a problem and it ends here. I don't have a resolute plan yet - I would like to go cold turkey but the thought of that has me planning a bender first, so I may have to ease into it. All I know is that I will be beholden to sugar no more. It is poison, and it has no place in my life.