|this shit's real, yo|
Kind of insane, right?
As much as I've wanted another baby, and swoon over every little baby I see, and wonder when my kids got to be so huge and grown up, I was really not expecting to ever again be expecting. But we were operating under an "if it's meant to be it will happen" mentality, so here we are.
I kind of don't remember how to be pregnant anymore. I definitely don't remember all the baby stuff anymore, which is weird because it really doesn't seem like that long ago I had babies, but time kind of shuffles away from you and here we are almost three years after the last time I was pregnant. According to Babycenter.com I'm due June 22nd*, which means Sophie will be 3 1/2 when this baby is born. For comparison, this is 7 months older than Izzy was when Sophie was born. Crazy.
So far, other than the emotional shock and excitement and doubt and excitement again, nothing has really changed. I'm not feeling sick or anything, but I was lucky enough to avoid any significant nausea with any of my other pregnancies, so hopefully that's a trend that will keep up. I am feeling completely exhausted all the time which is familiar, with the exception that this time I'm just sort of vaguely tired but hardly ever able to actually nap or go to bed early. It's just this state of constant exhaustion and when I do get sleepy it comes on like I've been drugged, leaving me all floaty and disconnected. And of course, more forgetful than I even was before, which I might have thought impossible.
I haven't had any constant cravings yet, but the cravings I have gotten come fast and furious and varied - what I want right now is the only thing I can possibly imagine eating and therefore must be fetched immediately, but what I wanted yesterday (or even an hour ago) I can assure you I will not want tomorrow or even 5 minutes from now, making planning ahead for the shopping somewhat of a challenge. I've been wholeheartedly intending to resume as much of the healthy eating as I can (at least early on - I fully plan on eating the shit out of some junk this pregnancy since this is my last hurrah and after I give birth all insane indulgence just means I'm a pig), but so far all I seem to want to eat is carbs and sugar and big glasses of milk. So basically everything not on the paleo diet. And of course I feel totally bloated and gross because I'm eating all this stuff, but the thought of doing those first four days of withdrawal right now is just too much to face. The good thing is that my appetite has been completely changed by my brief time eating really clean, and so I can't eat nearly as much of what I'm craving as I could have before, so even though I'm giving in to my cravings, I can only eat about half of what I think I can eat, which helps limit the effects of poor food choices (and to be fair, not all my cravings are bad. Last week I ate the same enormous salad every single night because it was all that was appealing. this week, the thought of that salad completely grosses me out). The bad side of this is that my cravings are all kind of falling flat - for about a week I was dying for spaghetti with meat sauce, but when I finally got around to making it I didn't really enjoy eating it all that much. Same goes for some of the sweets I've been dreaming about. And while I like this in terms of overall, it kind of kills the fun of "I'm pregnant I can eat everything nom nom nom."
So anyway, there we go. Just about 6 weeks pregnant, and my physical state runs between starving, ate too much, and need to sleep. It's kind of like being a baby myself.
*I am very excited about this due date because I have always hoped that if we had another baby it would be born on the 22nd of some month. Jack, Sophie and I are all the 20th of our months, and Brett's birthday and our anniversary both fall on the 29th, but Izzy, with her birthday on the 22nd, stands alone. Unfortunately, a due date of about the 8th would have been better, because it would mean I could deliver nicely a few weeks early and hit my goal of the 22nd. A due date of the 22nd means I have to go full term. Ugh.
ps: Hooray!! Something to blog about!!!