Friday, March 30, 2012

28 weeks

I look oddly smaller in this photo than I have been lately.  huh

This was the week (inevitable in any pregnancy) when it all suddenly seemed to have gone by SO FAST, and holy shit, in 10 or 12 weeks I'm going to actually have A BABY - how is that even possible?!?! Fortunately, unlike every other pregnancy, my OMG is less what have I done? everything was perfect before' and more 'squee, tiny squishy baby!!' So that's good.

It's just so surreal to move from a couple of weeks ago when I was feeling like I was way to big for not being that far along, to now, where I'm realizing that I'm actually almost done with this (and all) pregnancy. Of course, now is when we get to the "fun" part, so I am fully confident that it is only a matter of weeks before I feel like I've been pregnant for my entire life and can no longer even imagine a day when I'm no longer pregnant. And then of course will come the inevitable realization that this is the very LAST time I'll ever do this, which will be pretty weird as well.

So lots of great emotional ups and downs coming up!

Here's what I wore this past week (apparently everything I own is striped?)

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vest: TJ Maxx
dress: Asos maternity
flipflops: Havianas

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dress: Old Navy maternity
shoes: zigiSoho

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t-shirt: ?? maybe TJ Maxx?
tank: Pea in the Pod
jeans: Seraphina maternity
wedges: 80%20

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skirt/ tank/ sweater: I'm pretty sure everything in this photo is from Target (like 90% of my wardrobe)
sandals: Steve Madden (and they are my absolute FAVORITES)

The weather forecast (which has been impressively wrong all week) is for cooler temps coming up, so hopefully I can get in a few of my cute cooler temp outfits in before we get back into heat and I go all maxi dress all the time.  Of course, the odds of me remembering the outfits I had planned out a few months ago are not very high.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Whiniest Whiny Baby Post. Ever

Okay. Here is where you all abandon ship and hate me for being the whiniest spoiled brat you've ever heard of, but I'm going to go ahead and complain about this anyway.

You see, the weather is just too nice.

Now look, before you get all "bitch, you crazy" on me I will admit that the past few weeks of 80 degree sunny days is about as perfect as weather can get.  Low humidity, nice cool evenings, if we could get a freakin' cross breeze through our house (why or WHY would you build a house without allowing for a cross breeze?) it would be heaven. 

Except its MARCH.

This is my idea of perfect SUMMER weather, and I think we can all agree that we are far from summer.  It is barely spring, and yet I'm sitting here all hot and cranky because we are lingering in that hellish neverland (due to lack of an openable front window - I WANT A CROSS BREEZE) where it is too warm in the house (for me) to be comfortable, and yet not really hot enough to warrant turning on the air conditioning.


Now, my own personal unpleasantness with being hot aside (and I will admit that I am super sensitive to being hot - anything over 75 and I get a little testy), I have another totally ridiculous reason I'm pissed about the weather: my clothes.

All winter I've been lumping around like the biggest slob ever, because what is the point in putting together cute outfits only to cover them up with a big giant parks?  Because you KNOW the only places I go don't really involve removing your coat, and I'm not sitting around on the couch getting cat hair all over my "nice" clothes, when I can be super comfy in stretchy pants.  So I've been absolutely DYING to get through coat weather and into nice, cool spring days where I can wear some of the outfits I've been planning over the past few months, and people can actually SEE them.  But nooooo, as soon as we put away the coats the mercury decides to swoop up into the 80s, and now I'm left looking like a big fat hag again because A) I hadn't prepared a summer maternity wardrobe, thinking I wouldn't really have many hot days to deal with, and B) 34 yo pregnant women don't look all that great with a lot of skin showing. I'm sure everyone is just loving my forced display of armpit fat and the dimples I've developed on my knees. And now I can't even cover up my frumpitude with a big, black, puffy coat.


So let me tell you - I'm sorry for all of you out there soaking up the sunshine and enjoying this fabulous early spring weather, but I am PRAYING that we lose at least 20 degrees here pretty damn soon.  This is my last pregnancy, and I'll be damned if I'm not going to look cute at least a couple of days in here, so Mother Nature best get off her high horse and bring it back to the mid-range of temps, because this jumping from 45 degrees straight to 85 just won't fly.

Oh, and if it's 85 right now, what the hell is it going to feel like in July?  I shudder to think.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Chi-Town Got It Going On

We've spent the past week in Chicago, visiting my parents and various friends for Isabelle's spring break.  And how fun it has been!!  So much fun, I haven't hardly taken any pictures of all the fun!! So I'm making up for it with excessive punctuation!!!

Saturday was my Dad's birthday, and we celebrated by eating breakfast at my most favorite breakfast restaurant EVER, Walker Bros., where I haven't been for over 4 years.  It is practically an institution around here, and it was as delicious as ever.  I may have to convince everyone to go back before we leave Friday. And naturally, after a nutritious breakfast of chocolate chip pancakes and Belgian waffles, the kids needed some DQ.


Sunday we had a little party with a ton of Brett's college friends and all their wives and kids.  I wasn't entirely sure what to expect given my intense love of social situations and the fact I hadn't really ever met anyone, but we ended up having such a great time.  There were kids everywhere, all very close in age to ours, and basically the entire time we were there I had no idea where any of my children were at any given moment because they were so busy off playing.  made parking myself near the food and eating continuously for four hours SO much easier!  It also pretty much convinced us we have got to move back to the area, because we are never going to have opportunities for big gatherings with all our friends like this if we stay in Omaha.  because we have no friends in Omaha, lol.


Monday we sort of blew our plan with poor planning, so it was primarily dedicated to buying the kids toys at the store (and mommy some more summer clothes - hello 87 degrees!!), visiting a farm in the middle of the North Shore suburbs, and having dinner with a good friend from Steamboat who now lives in Wisconsin.


Tuesday was chock full of exciting adventures, from hanging out with more of Brett's friends at the park, to visiting the Kohl's children's museum. 

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I cut quite the silhouette these days

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this captured me in all my pregnant glory - and quite disturbing detail

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of course we had more DQ - why not?

Wednesday Brett took the kids to the beach in the morning (seriously, it's early MARCH - amazing) and then in the afternoon we went downtown to meet Snarky Mommy and go to the zoo.  We got to take the bus for the very first time, which was uber-exciting for a bunch of yokels like our kids (ha), and after completely exhausting the kids walking around the zoo (looking like sister wives with two moms, 6 kids and only one dad), we tortured them with a 1/2 mile walk down to the Whole Foods where we at all manner of pizza and hotdogs and sushi and ice cream and convinced ourselves it was super healthy because it came from Whole Foods.  ps: if your local Whole Foods has salted caramel gelato - GET IT!!


this is BEFORE we even got there!

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note to self - 6 months pregnant w/ a kid on your back is not the most flattering way to take a photo. ps: take off your sunglasses!

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the whole clan

Seriously - too much fun!!!  The kids have all been amazing, especially given the fact that we have had no naps for a whole week now, and they are all sharing a bedroom which results in a LOT one bedtime shenanigans and earlier mornings. 

We definitely have to move here.  Because I'm sure day to day living would be just as fun as this vacation, right?

Saturday, March 17, 2012

26 weeks

Guys, I am SO much more uncomfortable than I should be at this size. I mean, for 6 months, I think I'm really on the smaller side:

I definitely expected to be more of a whale at this point, given that this is my 4th baby. I mean, I have gained 20 pounds already (which isn't too shabby), but I'm not too worried about it because a) like I have a choice, and b) all of my pre-pregnancy jeans still fit (with the single exception of the button) so the weight really seems pretty limited to my stomach which is unavoidable.

But, oh my god, I can barely move anymore.

I am a very flexible person. I can do the splits every which way, and when not swollen up in the middle like a beach ball I can easily touch my nose to my knees. And aside from the general unpleasantness of it, I never once had a problem in any of my previous pregnancies putting my shoes on, or doing any other kind of bending activity. This time: I can barely reach my feet. And normally I'd think "yay, it's warm out I can wear sandals and not have to mess with real shoes" but I'm learning that all of my sandals involve a fair amount of buckles or ties, whereas in winter I pretty much wear my UGGs or my tennis shoes, which I never lace up. Do you know how big of an incompetent I feel like always asking my husband to tie or untie my shoes? Super idiot.

And sometimes I can't get my jeans off, because they are all really tight in the calf area (apparently I have ginormous ham calves?) and they get wedged up there where they won't slide down, and if my pants are pulled down to my knees, I can't reach below them to tug on the calf area, because in order to reach that far I need to I would need to spread them apart further than the pants allow. What a pretty picture I just painted for you, I'm sure.

And it isn't just bending over, although it's been fun the few times I've dropped something at the store and bent over as far as I can only to find my fingers still inches away from the desired item. Sitting upright is becoming almost intolerable due to back and stomach muscle complaints, and this morning I was treated to some lovely sciatic pains as I attempted to walk with my family (read: a block behind) to the park. And yeah, yeah, i know, this all comes with the pregnancy territory, but c'mon - I have THREE MONTHS LEFT!! I'm still supposed to have another few weeks of relative ease. At this rate I'm going to need a motorized cart. Last night I dreamt I was put on bed rest for the rest of my pregnancy and that idea is looking better and better.

Anyway - some of the things I struggled to wear this past week:

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shirt: Asos
sweater: no clue - had it for at least 15 years
jeans: Asos (non maternity - I hook them with an elastic extender I made)
shoes: farylrobin
purse: Coach

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dress: design history
shoes: Toms

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shirt: Old Navy meternity
faux leather jacket: Target
jeans: Isabella Oliver
shoes: Steve Madden

I actually think I wore a few other cute outfits, but I didn't photograph them.  Which is good because it means I can just wear them this week without having to think of new ones and no one will know.  And I better wear them if I want to, because I think I'm going to be all muumuus all the time here pretty soon.

Friday, March 16, 2012

Life Well Lived: Spring Cleaning

If you know me at all, you know I'm not big on cleaning much.  And I definitely don't do any big overhaul for Spring (or any other season).  What gets cleaned, gets cleaned and that better be good enough for anyone at my house.

But the one unavoidable task when the seasons change (and you have kids) is cleaning out the clothes.  When the weather starts getting warm, it is time to break out the summer gear, pack away the winter clothes, and take inventory of everything that needs to be bought to ensure a full wardrobe.  And with three kids, that can mean A LOT of clothes to sort.  So being as I am an essentially lazy person, I try to make this big job as easy as possible.  In each kids' closet I have a big tupperware storage container, and every time I do laundry and see soemthing ripped or just too small or they pull something out that doesn't fit anymore, it gets tossed in the bucket.  Then, all I have to do when the season changes is sort those few buckets.  Anything torn or stained gest tossed, items that won't serve as hand me downs (isn't it weird how kids can just have a different style and something don't seem to suit them like it did their sibling?) get donated, and the rest gets moved to full time storage (if there is still need for growth) or into the proper kid's room if it will fit now.  Easy Peasy.

it doesn't take that long, and it doesn't spare me from the sight of how they have been "folding and putting away" their own clothes the past few months, but it does make the job go a little quicker.  So I can get on to other things, like not cleaning the rest of the house and deepening my ass dent in the couch.

For more spring cleaning tips (in 10 min or less, hey!), check out BlogHer Life Well Lived.

And don't forget to enter the Life Well Lived Sweepstakes for a chance to win a Kindle Fire!

Monday, March 12, 2012

100 Things About Me

According to my friend Rita, this is going around the blogosphere, and who am I not to jump on a bandwagon and take any opportunity to let you know more fascinating facts about me?  So here we go:

1.  I will happily drink as many Starbucks vanilla lattes (decaf) as you give me, but I will never drink regular coffee.

2. I made the conscious decision in high school not to start drinking coffee for the caffeine, because I didn't want to have to suffer withdrawal when I got pregnant and had kids. Which is good because now I'm insanely sensitive to caffeine - even a piece of chocolate after 3pm will keep me up all night.

3. I love Coca-cola, and it makes me very angry how hard it is to find caffeine free REGULAR coke. 

4. I can always taste fake sugar.  They have yet to invent a diet product with fake sugar that doesn't taste chemical to me.

5. I talk a tough game, but I will never, ever, confront anyone about something I perceive as unjust or unfair unless I can email it.  I will totally complain and rail and say things about everyone standing up for themselves, but if i had to do it myself I would just cry and be unable to speak.

6. I really worry about my ability to fight any battles my children need me to fight because I know that instead of coming across as articulate and forceful, I will probably cry and undermine my own authority.

7. I try to work out ways of dealing with horrible situations so I won't be caught unprepared and freeze up. My usual is if I were to get carjacked with my kids in the car -how to convince the guy to let me get them all unbuckled from their car seats without pissing him off so he just shoots me, or if someone were to break in to my house at night - how would I get to all my kids in their separate rooms and then back into my room where we can call 911.  I have yet to find solutions for these problems which may explain why I think about them constantly.

8.  I freak myself out all the time that someone is going to come in to my room at night.  I used to intentionally not clean up the toys all over the living room because I figured the noise of an intruder tripping on them would give me warning to call the police.  Now I shut the baby gate at the top of the stairs for the same reason.

9. I can't catch even a glimpse of my reflection in a mirror if the lights are off or I think the image will crawl out and get me.

10. My eyes take really long time to dilate, but once they do I can see really well in the dark.  With all three kids I would change their diapers and prepare bottles to do the over night feedings without turning on the light.

11.  I have almost no sense of smell - which works really well for having lots of kids, but sometimes I can't tell if they have a dirty diaper.

12.  However, I am super sensitive to all perfumes, and get a headache if I'm around them.  I don't wear perfume, and most of my lotions are unscented because I get a headache otherwise.  I also hate how all commercial cleaners smell, so I mostly make my own and use essential oils.  I like that my homemade cleansers are non-toxic, but I LOVE that they smell like fresh lemons.

13. I read 100 pages an hour, and can easily finish a book a day.  I read ever single Harry Potter book in one sitting.

14. I completely love tv.  I literally don't know how I would function without my DVR.  But I totally resist getting sucked in to new shows every year because I already tape so many things.  I get sucked in anyway.

15. I love the idea of minimalism and having only the things I really use and need, but I have no idea how you pick just one thing so I have tons of stuff.  Women that can make fifty different outfits out of the same five garments are my idols - I never seem to buy things that coordinate with everything else I already own.

16. I really want a signature style, but I like too many different things to ever decide.

17. I will put together five different outfits in my mind to wear in the upcoming week, but when it comes time to get dressed I can't remember what they were.

18. I've never had more than 100 pairs of shoes at once, but I've been really close.

19. I have four tattoos, and I have plans for at least two more.  It took me forever to not feel a little ashamed of having them, which is why most of them are easily hidden.  The one on my wrist is my favorite because it is visible all the time which makes me feel cooler than I am.

20. I aim to drink 4 liters of water a day, but usually only manage 3.

21. I HATE to be hot.  Anything over 80 degrees and I am completely miserable.  Over 90, and I turn in to a total bitch.

22. I know the names of practically every actor, but can't remember the names of people I meet in person. 

23. Aside from names, I used to have a steel trap memory, and could remember details of what happened to me, or conversations.  Over the past few years it has eroded so badly to where I can barely remember anything, and not even in a "I know I'm forgetting something" kind of way.  It's actually getting somewhat worrisome.

24. I think I'm 31.

25. I'm 34.

26. I'm actually very shy and anxious around people, but you will never know it because once I'm out I never stop talking.  It's like a nervous tic - sometimes I even forget to inhale I'm talking so fast and I get out of breath.

27. If I pick out a drink from the selection at the store, and then see something I'd like better, I'll keep my original choice because I don't want to hurt its feelings.

28. I totally don't care about murders or violence in movies, but if they kill the pets I get really upset.

29. If I was a movie star I would want to do action movies.

30. I was considering applying to the FBI when I found out I was pregnant with Isabelle.

31. If I could actually decorate my house the way I want, instead of having hand-me downs and the cheapest furniture available, I would have everything I ever wanted as a kid.

32. There has only been one year in my entire life when I was self-sufficient.  This is probably why I always feel like I need permission or approval from others before I do anything.

33. I'd like to have a yard with lush bushes and flowers every where, but I hate being outside and getting dirty, so it will probably never happen.

34. I hate bell peppers, primarily for their texture.  My parents used to sometimes hide a tiny piece in my salad because they thought I'd never notice it - I always found it.

35. I really want a dog, but my husband won't let me get one.  I'm hoping he comes around once the kids are in school.

36. I love shopping online.  I browse and mark stuff all the time, even though I will probably never buy any of it.  Or if I do buy it, I return it a lot.  Which is weird, because I never return stuff I buy in actual stores.

37. Over the past several years, I have developed a major fear of heights.  We stayed in a hotel a few years ago that had a walkway from the elevator to the hall where the rooms were.  My vision literally swam every time I had to cross it.  I won't go above the third step on any ladder.

38. I'm also fairly claustrophobic if I can't move.  Elevators or closets don't bother me, but if I'm taking off a jacket and it gets stuck where my arms are pinned, I get panicky.

39. I don't have a favorite movie - I probably couldn't even pick a top ten.  I just like watching movies.

40. I'm not into music at all.  I love singing along in the car, and certain songs really inspire me to dance or choreograph, but I don't know any bands, and live concerts are excruciatingly boring for me.  Which is good, because live music is just about Brett's favorite thing.

41. I felt more "me" as a blonde.  No one else liked it very much, and I caved because everyone sees me as a brunette, but I think maybe I'm secretly a blonde.

42. I love statement jewelry - dangly earrings and big necklaces and bangle bracelets - but I hate wearing it.  If I wear anything it is my wedding rings, small stud earrings and very fine chain necklaces.

43. I took off my watch when I moved to Steamboat ten years ago and I haven't worn one since (except as fashion).

44. I have five holes for earrings in my ears - one of which I did myself with a needle.  They close up all the time because I never wear earrings anymore.

45. I have little to no tolerance for stupidity.

46. I am extremely sarcastic, pretty much to a fault.  But that's a hard habit to change.

47. I have had a subscription to Entertainment Weekly since it was first published in 1990, and I have read every single issue.

48. I have lived in 4 different states, and 13 different houses/apartments in my life.

49. I can't go underwater without getting water up my nose, no matter how hard I blow out.  I still hold my nose when I jump in a pool.

50. I have given birth three times, and am pregnant now, and I still can't believe any of it happens.  How is there a person in there?

51. If mango is a flavor option, I have to get it.  I don't know why; I mean, I like mango, but it's not my favorite.

52. I once ate an entire crate of raspberries.

53. Frosted flakes remind me of my grandfather, because that was his favorite cereal and I only got to eat them when I would visit.  They taste best with whole milk.

54. I met Brett 2 days before my 21st birthday, and we got married three months before my 28th birthday.  The firs thing I thought after I met him was "I'm going to marry him."  The second thing was "why would I think that?"

55. I can throw a ball equally well with both my right and left hands.  Other than that, I can't do anything with my left hand.

56. I like my nails to be super short - like, no white part.  Which is annoying because they grow really fast.

57. I like my hair long, but it does not grow particularly fast.

58. I'm convinced that sleeping with my hair in a bun makes it grow faster.

59. I only wash my hair twice a week - the rest of the time I wear a towel turban when I shower so it doesn't get wet.

60. I'm allergic to the sun.  One time in first grade I broke out in hives, but mostly I just get tiny itchy bumps.  It only happens if I go somewhere hot and sunny in the middle of winter - if I transition normally through the seasons, gradually increasing my sun exposure then I don't break out.

61. I don't tan.  My cheeks and chest will get pink, and the rest of me might change color very slightly, but otherwise I'm always pretty pale.

62. I can drive stick, but I haven't in over ten years.  I had to teach myself after my dad bought me a manual transmission car, drove me to college, and then left.

63. I hate riding a bicycle.  My parents had to make me to learn how in first grade, and I have only ever done it if forced.

64. I am a terrible swimmer, primarily because I won't put my face in the water.  I can manage enough to not drown, but that's about it.

65.  After I had Sophie I really wanted to do a triathalon.  I worked out a whole training program and everything, but my inability to swim more than one length of the pool at a time put and end to that.

66.  I admire the romance of being a runner - the solitude and rhythm of just hitting the road and running.  But then I try to run and I get half a block and want to die, so I probably won't ever be a marathoner.

67. I absolutely love yoga.  I'd love to take a yoga class 5 days a week, but that will probably have to wait until all the kids are in school.  I have a dream of one day opening a chain of yoga studios that offer child care like the gyms do.

68. I had horrible, painful, embarrassing, digestive issues for 15 years before I was diagnosed with colitis.  I still don't know why it never occurred to me to see a doctor.

69. I broke two vertebrae in my back when I was 15, but didn't actually know they were broken until last year.

70. I wore braces for two years in middle school, and I obediently wore my retainers every night for five years as instructed, until my orthodontist told me I could stop because my teeth were set and wouldn't move.  Within a month my teeth had moved so much I couldn't even get my retainers in anymore.  For years I refused to have them fixed out of spite (why should I have to pay when it was his fault?), but they just keep getting worse and worse so I'm going to get invisalign.

71. I used to get tension headaches almost everyday because my neck muscles are so tight.  They stopped when I got pregnant with Izzy, and I really haven't had one since, even though my neck muscles are still super tight.

72. When I was little I would get headaches because I'd forget to eat or drink anything all day.  That would never happen now.

73. I really wish I was a morning person, and could get up at 5:30 every morning to do yoga in the peace and quiet.  But I am firmly a night owl - I guess I should learn to love the piece and quiet at midnight.

74. I've only ever had scallops twice in my life, and I threw up later that night both times.  I'd like to try them again to see if it was coincidence or if scallops just make me sick, but I don't really want to throw up again.

75. I throw up really easily.  If I drink too much, if I eat too much, and I catch stomach viruses a lot.  It doesn't really bother me because I usually feel better immediately, although after 4 kids it does tend to come with bladder issues which are annoying.

76. I can wipe up poop all day long (although I'd rather not), but cleaning up after one of the kids has vomited makes me completely grossed out and nauseous. Thankfully they don't get sick that often.

77. I can't eat first thing in the morning or my stomach feels queasy.  But I can't go about my day without eating something either, so I have a smoothie every morning.

78. I will stand in the shower for as long as the hot water lasts if I can.

79. I have gotten exceedingly modest about my necklines since I had kids.  Not that I was wearing super revealing, plunging tops before, but now if even the slightest bit of cleavage shows I feel completely exposed.

80.  I haven't worn a bra with an underwire in years.  In fact, I hardly ever wear a real bra- I mostly wear sports bras or little half camisoles.

81. All of my jeans sag down, but I hate wearing belts, so I just have to hike them up all the time.  I'm going to have to find some high waisted jeans I like so my pants will stay up.

82. I never tuck in my shirt, so even if I did wear high waisted jeans, no one would know and think "mom jeans."

83. Automatic sensors never work for me.  I can never get the toilet to flush (unless I just sat down) or the sink to turn on, and sometimes doors won't open.  Apparently I'm invisible.

84. I have no idea how the internet works.  Or my computer.

85. I was a photography major (briefly) in college, and I have printed my own photographs.  I used to plan my dream home with a dark room, but now that seems pointless.

86. I don't like anything spicy.  Even black pepper is too much.

87. I would like to plan the perfect murder, just in case I ever need it.

88. I like peanut butter, but not peanuts.  I like most other nuts, particularly pecans, walnuts and cashews.

89. I believe in moderation, but can't apply it to most things - especially food.  I'm learning there are just some things I can't ever eat unless I want to eat them all.

90. I would rather have my current overweight, lumpy body than be super curvy like Salma Hayek or Kim Kardashian.  I prefer the slim, flat chested look - like a ballerina.

91. I wish I had pursued being a dancer after high school.  I think I could have done something with it, and i don't know why I never tried.

92. If I woke up tomorrow single and 22, I would probably go to school to be an ultrasound technician.  I would also move to New York.

93. Even though I really love the wedding we had, I wish that I had gotten a chance to have the "real" experience of getting engaged (not because I was pregnant) and getting married in the pretty white dress for the first time instead of on an anniversary.

94. I hate ceiling fans.

95. I mostly got B's and C's in school (due to lack of effort), but because I was in honors classes I still graduated with over 3.9 GPA.  In college I did all the work, but rarely went to class (unless they took attendance). I still have no idea how to properly study for a test or really research something.

96. My driver's ed teacher never once let me parallel park.  Every time I started, he would stop me after I barely moved the car and make me start over, until he finally gave up.  The first time I actually got to parallel park after getting my license, I did it perfectly.

97. Sometimes my elbows stick and I have to pop them.  I also pop my neck, back, knuckles, hips and ankles.

98. I don't have any hobbies or special skills.

99. I talk to myself, out loud, but only when I'm shopping.  I also make sarcastic comments to tv commercials, directed at my husband who usually wasn't paying attention and has no idea what I'm talking about.

100.  This list took me 6 hours, and I really didn't think I was going to be able to come up with 100 things.  Now I know I'm going to spend all night thinking up new (and probably better) ideas.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Is That Your Final Decision?

25 hours from now, Brett will be undergoing a little procedure we like to call the Big V.  And when I'm not resisting the urge to cackle maniacally (mwa ha ha haaaaaa), I've got to say I'm feeling a little weirded out.  Like, whoa, let's not be hasty here with these permanent decisions.  Which of course is completely ridiculous because, yes, that IS our FOURTH child kicking me in the abdomen.  And methinks 4 is probably plenty - hell, if we didn't live in a red state we would probably be shunned for all of the extra burden we are inflicting on the planet with our childbearing prowess.

But see, the thing is, for the past 6 years, pretty much all I've done is be pregnant, or take care of babies, or incessantly pester my husband about having more babies.  To take all that off the table, no matter how much I (may) agree that we don't need more kids is kind of scary.  I'm marginal with these big kids, but I'm really good at babies.  I like being pregnant (although the three months of vomiting I experienced this time I could live without), I like the excitement of going in to labor and rushing off to the hospital, I like the little tiny diapers, and how hot those tiny little bodies can make you when they fall asleep and you have to hold them still for hours on end.  Admittedly, I've had very easy babies so far, but I've never felt more confident in my abilities, more sure that I was doing what I was meant to do, than I did when I had a baby.  And to know that I'll only ever have that feeling one more time is kind of upsetting.

Even if those little babies I'm so adept at do turn in to big kids I have no idea what to do with.

ps: Needless to say, my husband does not have any of these reservations.  Even after I made him read this

pps: mwa ha ha haaaaaaa!

Monday, March 5, 2012

Home Sweet Home

Spur of the moment last week we decided to take Izzy's spring break and drive back to Illinois to visit my parents.  And amidst all of my mental planning preparation (it's hard to pack for March in IL- it could be spring, it could be winter, who knows?), I realized that it has been over 4 1/2 years since I've been to my parent's house.  Which is weird because if I don't think about it too hard, it feels like they've lived in that house for about 5 years.

Except it has been 17 years.


So weird.

I'm assuming that my inability to reconcile the actual length of time they've lived there is a combination of the fact that I only lived in that house for a couple of years before moving out on my own, and the general speediness of life as you get older.  I mean, I lived in Steamboat for seven years (oddly enough, almost to the day), and that was three years ago!!  Where did the time go?

It's strange looking back at all the places I've lived: the house I grew up in seems like where we have lived longest, and for me it is - ten years. But now my parents have lived in this new house almost twice that long.  And we won't even bother counting the fact that we moved in my senior year in high school, because surely I'm not old enough to be coming up on my 20th reunion.  Since leaving home I've never lived at any one address longer than three years, which would be how long we've been in our current house.  This seems surprising because it really didn't feel like I moved all that often, and to move again now would seem really soon. Of course, I didn't have a tenth of the crap back then that I have now, lol!

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have just one house that I grew up in, and to be living in a house that I know we'll stay in for the rest of our lives, until we are old and drooling and crazy and need to be locked up in the old folk's home.  A home to return to with my kids where all of my childhood memories are roaming the hallways; a home for my kids to come home to when they are grown up, where their kids can play in their own childhood shadows. 

A lifelong home seems like such a lovely idea, but it also seems so stagnant.  So SAME.  I can't imagine even the perfect type of dream home that I could live in forever.  My interests change, my style changes, where I want to be and what I want to be doing changes.  I want to go back to the mountains, I want to live somewhere the winter never gets that cold - how can I choose just one place to live forever?  It's funny that someone who practically lives to not leave the house doesn't want to put down roots and stay a while. 

Of course, considering the last 17 years seem to have reflected on my perception as half that many, I guess roots are what happens as time flies by.

Friday, March 2, 2012

24 Weeks

Here we are, 24 weeks of pregnancy down.


If you go by a month = 4 weeks, I'm 6 months pregnant. If you go by calendar month, then I'm 5. Either way, I'm almost through the second trimester, and let me tell you, the third is going to be fun. I'm already WAY more uncomfortable than I should be considering my size - basically by 7pm the only thing I am capable of doing is lying prone on the couch, propped up by various pillows. I've been doing yoga fairly regularly, and while my flexibility is still there, I'm getting quite ungainly in the transitions and my practice involves a lot of really attractive squatting maneuvers.

I other news, I'm also having a hard time putting together outfits I like, because the silhouette I'm "into" this season is very streamlined and highlights the waist, which isn't exactly pregnancy friendly. And of course, it is still cold, so my endless supply of maxi dresses have yet to be put in to rotation. So it's pretty much yoga pants and leggings up in here, and if I don't find a few more shirts long enough to thoroughly cover my rear end, the leggings are going to be out of commission soon too. But I'm going to keep trying to look cute - at least once or twice a week, lol.

A few of the things I've worn recently:


jacket: Goodwill
shirt: TJ Maxx
leggings: Isabella Oliver
boots: Steve Madden
scarf: Target

2-21-12 (1)

sweater: Target
dress: French Connection
leggings: Isabella Oliver
booties: Nicole
purse: Coach

2-24-12 (1)

coat: Kenneth Cole (and 10 years old)
shirt: Target
jeans: Isabella Oliver
booties: Nicole
purse: Coach


sweater: TJ Maxx
tank top: Asos
jeans: Asos (not maternity - I use an elastic extender I made myself)
booties: Aldo

ps: don't study my legs too closely because it would seem my knees have gotten really fat.

pps: I'm not blonde anymore.  But chances are good I will be again, because I'm not loving the dark hair.