Happy New Year!
Yes, I realize that it is the last day of January, but I feel like my year is just now getting started. There have been a lot of changes around here, and while I have wanted to write about everything, I haven’t because I didn’t want to drown everyone in misery and self pity.
Also, I’m really lazy.
I always have ideas for blogs running through my head – I just never seem able to sit down and get them hammered out. I mean, my last non-reading related post was about Jack’s birthday… in SEPTEMBER!! So pathetic. And yet, I just can’t seem to pull the plug on this little corner of the internet. I’ve been writing on this blog for over 10 years now, and while the guilt of neglect is chipping away at me, the thought of calling it quits and shutting it down forever is too upsetting. So for now, I’m going to hang in here and try to get back on the blogging track, and post at least on a weekly basis.
Because I do have lots to share! I went back to work, which is primarily the downer news I’ve been avoiding writing about. My job is pretty easy in terms of the schedule and my responsibilities, but I’m really struggling with the loss of identity that comes with no longer being a stay at home mom. Even now, I really want to go back and erase that last part because seeing it in black and white just makes me sick to my stomach. Staying home with my kids is all I’ve ever wanted to do (like, seriously since middle school), and I was SUPER looking forward to having everyone in school so that I could actually focus on getting properly cleaning the house, and maybe start volunteering in the kids’ classrooms more. Not to mention the possibility that I might actually formulate a coherent thought for the first time in 12 years, and dare I dream it, even write a book? But now I’m left feeling like the rug has been pulled out from beneath me, and my undone to-do list just keeps getting longer and longer because the time I have available is increasingly eaten up by simply keeping my head above water, and the life I always wanted is just gone with nothing to replace it.
But I guess that’s life.
In addition to my personal identity crisis, we’ve been dealing with some anxiety/depression issues with Sophie that have popped up in the past few months. I don’t want to talk too much about specifics here because she is generally very private and no doubt will not want something this personal shared on the internet; suffice it say it has been really hard watching my child struggle with emotional turmoil and fears. We have started using guided meditation and mantras before bed, and we have an appointment with a specialist coming up in March, so I hope that we will be able to get her the help she needs quickly, but still, 2018 is so far not off to a winning start.
In more positive news, we’ve been busy redoing parts of our house – we’ve expanded the kitchen, painted the cabinets and replaced the counter top, sink, and floor. All that’s left is to tile the back splash and finish the woodwork, and it will be ready for the big reveal! We are actually replacing the flooring throughout the entire main level, and once we tear out the disgusting carpet in the living room, that will be finished. Then all we have to do is shop for new furniture, restain the banister and paint the wood trim. Phase two will be new carpeting upstairs, and replacing the shower and counter top in the master bedroom (now you see why I had to get a job!). I’ll most likely wait to post anything until each room is totally (or at least mostly) finished, but I try to post live updates on my Instagram stories (@lonek8) whenever we are working.
I’ve also got updates on why I stopped posting Mascara of the Month (hint: I found a product where I didn’t even NEED mascara!), and I’ve been meaning to do a post on my skin care routine for literally 2 years. So, there are posts to look forward to this year, assuming I ever actually get them out of my head and into the computer.
And you know what they say about assuming things.